SuccessFULL With ADHD

ADHD, Shame & Self-Worth: Russ Jones Explains how to Show Up (Even at 40%)

• Brooke Schnittman MA, PCC, BCC • Season 1 • Episode 105

Share episode

In this episode, I’m joined by Russ Jones, the incredibly relatable and hilarious host of the ADHD Big Brother podcast and creator of the ADHD Big Brother community. Russ is not only a productivity coach trained in integrative wellness and ADHD-specific strategies—he’s also someone who’s walked the walk. Diagnosed later in life, Russ turned his own challenges into a mission to serve others, helping adults with ADHD cut through the noise and get the “tough stuff” done.

We dive into Russ’s ADHD journey—from late diagnosis to creating a thriving support community built around daily accountability, humor, and vulnerability. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, isolated, or stuck in self-doubt, this episode will remind you that you’re not alone—and that consistent, small steps can lead to transformational change. Tune in to hear how Russ turned a quit-smoking forum into the blueprint for an ADHD support system that actually works.

Russ Jones is a productivity coach trained in integrative wellness and ADHD-specific coaching. He’s committed to helping adults with ADHD get the tough stuff done. His personal journey, including a later-in-life ADHD diagnosis, fuels his passion for empowering the ADHD community, by simplifying the chaos of our unique skull spaghetti (his word for brains), and offering easy to apply solutions. Russ hosts the ADHD Big Brother podcast and is the founder of the ADHD Big Brother community, an online platform where he and members successfully give and get daily support and make progress on their goals, proving that community is one of the greatest tools to a well-managed and productive ADHD life.

 

Episode Highlights:

[1:02] - Introducing Russ Jones and his passion for simplifying the ADHD experience
 [2:45] - Getting diagnosed at 40 and navigating the grief and relief
 [5:00] - From actor to ADHD advocate: Russ’s early career and challenges
 [9:22] - The emotional crash during COVID and rediscovering purpose
 [12:46] - Launching his podcast and coaching practice
 [14:10] - How quitting nicotine inspired the ADHD Big Brother community
 [15:32] - The power of daily accountability and owning our struggles
 [18:47] - What showing up consistently looks like—even on bad days
 [20:27] - How community transforms shame into progress
 [22:20] - Behind the scenes of the ADHD Big Brother platform and how it works
 [25:16] - Gamifying success with “Skull Spaghetti” and badge rewards
 [27:11] - Crushing long-term goals with consistent, low-pressure action
 [30:04] - The “inverted mountain” analogy for achieving goals with ADHD
 [33:39] - One big takeaway: be cool with yourself, even on hard days

 

Links & Resources:

Thank you for tuning into "SuccessFULL with ADHD." If this episode has impacted you, remember to rate, follow, share, and review our podcast.

🚨Calling all aspiring ADHD coaches ▶️ https://www.coachingwithbrooke.com/3c-for-coaches

🌙Don't miss this special Pop-Up Evening Cohort by popular demand!

Help your clients break free from paralysis and better manage their life with 3C Activation® coach training!

💥Gain a proven process for ADHD coaching

💥Earn 38 ICF Credits and 25.5 PAAC CCE’s

💥Learn the latest neuroscience to boost your practice

💥Qualify to be listed under ACO Directory

Learn more ▶️ https://www.coachingwithbrooke.com/3c-for-coaches

Russ Jones:

I went through addictions like that was one of my way to deal with my ADHD back then, unknowingly. Oh, I can. I can drink it away. I can smoke weed, it away. I can. I can chew tobacco and nicotine, it away.

Brooke Schnittman:

Work really hard, away, right? It can be a workaholic.

Russ Jones:

Yeah, totally. And so I was addicted to nicotine for probably 20 years, since high school, too easily in my late 30s or so, and I found that community helped. There was a quick group that I had joined typical like, you know, one day at a timing, right? Day one, you would get into this forum, and you would say, day one, not going to chew today. And then you would go into the public chat and be like, My life sucks. I hate this. I hate my spouse. I hate everything. Am I an asshole, or is she, you know, and you're raging. It was just knowing that other people were going through the same slog at the same time helped big time.

Brooke Schnittman:

Welcome to successful with ADHD. I'm Brooke schnittman, let's get started. Hi everyone, and welcome back to another episode of successful with ADHD today. I have Russ Jones, who he and I have been talking and ADHD out on fun terms and ADHD nuances, so I'm excited for this podcast interview. Just a little bit about Russ. He's a productivity coach. He trained in integrative wellness and ADHD specific coaching. Uh huh. He's committed to helping adults with ADHD get the tough stuff done. Love to know what the tough stuff, in your opinion, is his personal journey, including a later in life ADHD diagnosis join the club fuels his passion for empowering the ADHD community by simplifying the chaos of our unique skull spaghetti his words for brains and offering easy to apply solutions. Ross hosts the ADHD Big Brother podcast and is the founder of ADHD Big Brother community, an online platform where he and the members successfully give and get daily support and make progress on their goals, proving that community is one of the greatest tools to a well managed and productive ADHD life. And I could not agree with that more. I know Dr hallwell says community is a vitamin C for ADHD, and literally, that is where I feel like I accomplished a lot of managing my at the time, undiagnosed ADHD was in a community of life coaching. So excited to have you here for the listen. Woo hoo. We are talking about russ's journey, and we're also going to talk about community, because, again, we know how important community is for ADHD, because we can't do ADHD alone. So Russ, you are a fellow late diagnosed, ADHD, or talk to me. When did you get diagnosed?

Russ Jones:

It was right around, I'm 50 now, and it was right around age 40. I was going through a divorce. We weren't going through a divorce at the time. At the time, we were in counseling. And then the counselor was like, hey, think you might want to shake yourself out for ADHD. And I'm like, you might want to help me work on our marriage, because that's what we're doing here, right? I got I obviously figured it out, right?

Brooke Schnittman:

So, yeah, yeah, okay, okay, so you got diagnosed at 40 as a male and and you were being listened to by and and, you know, in this forum of a therapist your ex wife and that through those conversations, the therapist realized you had ADHD. But I would imagine the 40 years wasn't like roses and butterflies.

Russ Jones:

Yeah, right. That's that whole process that you know, all of us late in lifers go through, right? Where you go through, like, the grief and the relief, right? The grief that, oh, man, if only I knew earlier, it would have changed all these shitty things in my life, and the relief of, like, Oh, now I have a name for it, right? It doesn't mean I'm lazy. It doesn't mean I'm a piece of shit. I'm not a loser. I There's a name for this thing. That's what I went through. I mean, yeah, growing up, I grew up in a very small town, ADHD would have it not, not a thing. No one knew about it, yeah, no one knew about it. No, you're just a hyper kid. Your grades are, you know, I was a straight A student, but my, this is the classic example I would imagine, right? I'm a straight A student. I'm I'm so much smarter than the the classes, right? Because these are just high school classes in a small town. But I would, I would do my homework and I just would forget to turn it in. Or I would do my homework and it would, I would be lost in my backpack backpack, and I'd be like, I'd scan, I don't have it, and then I'd find it two days later. So that was kind of my story. And the really thing that really bummed me out was I went to college for a year, and, I mean, I blasted through the acting pro. Grams, and I was just like, that was A's, and I'm the lead in the play, and it was just awesome. But everything else crumbled. I went from the structure of my home life and my parents, and you got to get good grades and those consequences to I'm free and I can I'm I get to follow my whims and the skin no scaffolding to my life. So I took that to mean my calling is to be an actor, clearly. And so then I was like, gotta move to LA Here we go. That's where we it was that or New York. And I was too scared of New York.

Brooke Schnittman:

Richard Gere Yes, well, I don't know, yeah, Dana Carvey was my big guy. Oh my gosh. Russians. Oh God, right, the greatest. So you went to LA because you thought you were gonna be the next Dana Carvey. Then what

Russ Jones:

I did really good in acting for a number of years. I was really good in commercials. I played a very good office nerd. And so there was probably a good and I joined a sketch comedy troupe, me and a couple buddies. And so we toured and went around and did sketch comedy. So it is a passion of mine. I love I went through the Meisner Academy. It was like acting as a group. I love the craft, just there's no real purpose in it for me, right there, or that's what I found. So I'm also diagnosed with depressive disorder, other specified, which is, like, I think the junk draw now depression, yeah, they're like, he's fucking sad, but we put them in

Brooke Schnittman:

the junk drawer. Yeah, right. Depression here,

Unknown:

yeah, totally. We'll get around to it in the next DSM,

Brooke Schnittman:

at least you can laugh about it. It is very you can't laugh. You're gonna cry, right?

Russ Jones:

Yeah, you need gallows humor for this stuff. I'm sorry, yeah. So you, you

Brooke Schnittman:

got diagnosed with ADHD and other depressive, depressive disorder, other specified and you your, it was the therapist when you were in couples therapy that said, I think you have ADHD. Yeah. And then

Russ Jones:

I went and got tested and went to see a psychologist, psychiatrist, whatever, and got diagnosed, got medicine, and I can't, so I can't take medicine. I chosen not to take medicine because they all, they work really great. And then they have these God dang side effects. I'm the side effects guy. I'm the one that it happens to. It sucks. It sorry. But you know it's you have to learn the tools anyways. You have to learn the strategies, and

Brooke Schnittman:

exactly so you're one of the 20% that can't take it. Yeah, yeah. I

Russ Jones:

mean, I could. I would just have to be like, my focus is more important than having debilitating anxiety or depressed like some of them gave me, like, a depressive episode at the end of the day? Yeah, no, thank you. Yeah. I'm like,

Brooke Schnittman:

I'd rather not be depressed Exactly. Yeah, yeah. So I know you just, like, quickly threw in there that the ADHD wasn't the reason you got divorced. But if you were to reflect back, and I know that's not what

Unknown:

you want me to tell you why we got divorced. Brooke, okay, I don't

Brooke Schnittman:

want you to get depressed and I don't want you to like, have to grieve that again.

Russ Jones:

Best friends, great co parenting relationship.

Brooke Schnittman:

Oh, yeah, amazing, releasing, but, but in all honesty, had you known about your ADHD and how to manage it back then? Do you think anything would have been different in

Russ Jones:

your marriage? God, that is such a good question. Let's get Gail on the phone. Let's ask her. Do you think if I got my shit together sooner? No, the I don't think so. I think it would have helped me. Who knows? That's all speculation. I can't speculate like that.

Brooke Schnittman:

Yeah, okay, yeah, okay, well, let's move on then. So what happened after you got the diagnosis, besides getting divorced, which had nothing to do with it,

Russ Jones:

just I knew page in my life, Brooke, you're out, you're in, you're

Brooke Schnittman:

exactly, but I'll take the ADHD

Russ Jones:

right exactly the I went through. Gosh, that's really, I'm really shitty with numbers and timelines and stuff like that. I remember there was a period where I just, I lost a lot of I sunk really hard, especially during covid. I sank deeply, and, you know, it took away our smiles, like we had to cover our faces so nobody could and nobody wanted to make eye contact in the stores or any. Thing, oh, yeah, God, I can even feel a little bit right now. It crushed my soul. So that's when I kind of did some purpose work. I read a book that was really awesome that helped me find my purpose through it's called Career gasm never much. It's awesome one exercise in particular, where you go through every shitty job you ever had in your life, and you go, what was the thing that lit you up about it? What was the fun part? And so I've talked about this a number of times, but like that was a great exercise that I never thought of, and I noticed that it was anytime I was of service to somebody that I felt good, like I was a Bellman at a hotel. It's a shitty job, but I loved taking people's bags up. I was like, talking to him, What are you guys doing here? You're on vacation. All right. Hoisted their bags. Loved it. Everything else about it sucked the so I was like, okay, so being of service is a big deal, and even naturally during covid. I This was back when I had social media accounts. The I was posting videos on Facebook of just like hope and making parody songs and just trying to like, trying to be of service, right? So that's kind of where the the career track came. I ended up wanting to do a thing bigger. And it just happened to be that, you know, ADHD, I was going to help people no matter what. So I got into integrative wellness. That's sort of more my whole body. Stuff is, like, I like that, but everything I did was so ADHD specific. And I couldn't, I couldn't do YouTube. It was going to be, you know, how you going to market? I don't want to do Instagram. I don't want to do Facebook. I to do Facebook. How do I get my message out there? And I was like, I don't want the fucking problem of you know how it's my hair helps my Oh, my mustache is coiled wrong, and I need a flower back here. I know what it's like in the entertainment industry. I know the deal. And there's so much front loading work, I just want to get up and put my face in front of a microphone and talk. And I don't care what I look like, that to me was gold. So that's how I got into the podcast. Journey

Brooke Schnittman:

amazing, and it's been, it seems like it's been going really well for you.

Unknown:

Yeah, it's pretty good, pretty good. Yeah. Surprise is going to be coming on in just a few weeks. There's this person called coaching with Brooke. She's coming.

Brooke Schnittman:

So, okay, so

Unknown:

three seeing it. I believe we're gonna three see

Brooke Schnittman:

it. Oh, we're gonna three see it. Yes, we are. Yeah, let's go all right. So covid sucked, right? Yeah, sure. No smiles. People weren't looking at each other. Then what happens? No,

Russ Jones:

I started podcasting, and then I started coaching people on the side, really, and I was, I had a job at UPS that I was, that was my stability. That's a piece of this puzzle. Is like, I quit doing everything, and I was like, I took a steady paycheck job at UPS, just for stability. I just wanted to go to work and then get money. And that bit me in the face hard, because I got I excelled, and then I got laid off, not merit based, not seniority based, just something happened, and they were laying tons of people off, and it was like a name out of the hat. I was like, Oh my God, if I can't even have stability, then screw everything. I'm just going to do this full time. Yeah. And so I worked my ass off and got to a place where I can support myself and do it. So then coaching became a bigger deal. But beyond coaching one on one, I have, I, if you listen to the show, I cannot. I community is bigger than all of that combined in my experience and in my mind, and I remembered the back I went through addictions like that was one of my way to deal with my ADHD back then, unknowingly. Oh, I can. I can drink it away. I can smoke weed it away. I can. I can chew tobacco and nicotine in a way,

Brooke Schnittman:

work really hard away, right? And work really hard away. Alcoholic. Yeah,

Russ Jones:

totally. And so I was addicted to nicotine for probably 20 years since high school, too easily in my 30s, late 30s or so, and I found that community helped. There was a quick group that I had joined where it's typical, like, you know, one day at a timing, right? Day one, you would get into this forum. It was like an old school V bulletin style forum, and you would get in and you would say, day one not gonna chew today. And then you would go into the public chat and be like, My life sucks. I hate this. I hate my spouse. I hate everything. Am I an asshole or she?

Unknown:

You're raging and I'm still not chewing, peeling your face off. Should I do a patch

Russ Jones:

instead? Yeah. So it was, it was just knowing that other people were going through the same slog at the same time helped big time. And so I wanted to bring that into ADHD land. Because, I mean, I went through coaches, I do therapy, coaches, I love all of it, and I was always a appointment, amnesiac, right? Where it would be like, I'd have a kick ass appointment, forget everything, and then scramble an hour before the appointment be like, I gotta have something to show for myself,

Brooke Schnittman:

exactly, exactly. And then you feel shame, right? Because you do it all week and and then you or that you or you just don't show up to the appointment because you're quote, unquote sick, but it's really because you feel shame to the thing. Yeah, totally, totally,

Russ Jones:

yeah, right. And so daily accountability to me was, is this missing component that can complement great coaching, it can complement therapy? And so I created that, that model in a community, and it kicks ass. I mean, I'm in there doing it as

Brooke Schnittman:

well. Oh, yeah. Oh my god, yeah, I would imagine it's, it's really healing for you as well.

Russ Jones:

Oh, for sure. Yeah. 100% and

Brooke Schnittman:

transformative.

Russ Jones:

Yeah, absolutely. The I would say, well, case in point, like, we have a people in there that are, we do badges and awards. We gamify it, we make it fun and we, we have people in there that have done, like, 300 days in a row of doing the thing they weekends to, like, that's unheard of in AD

Brooke Schnittman:

especially in ADHD, yes, yes. It's so funny, because just if I could share for a second, when I first started coaching seven years ago, I was working with students and adults, and one of my adult clients was like, I really love this one on one coaching thing, but I would love to hear what other people think about their struggles and how they've overcome some of it. So that was when I started 3c activation, which we'll be talking about in your podcast. Oh, yeah, haven't looked back on that, because that to your point, like, even if, let's say that accountability doesn't show up for a person that week, there's going to be someone else who's not earning their badges, right? So to say so they don't feel alone in that week off or canceling their appointment or podcast, like Ida canceled the podcast last week. You know, the power in community is so important. And as I mentioned in being in the call, Dr hellwell talks about as vitamin C. I mean, in covid, people were so depressed because they weren't connected, even parallel, they weren't connected. And I know with ADHD, it's hard to connect sometimes with social nuances and social anxiety, but in this zoom support group that you have just being there, not even having to necessarily talk or say anything, but just having other people who get you, that's huge. So tell me a little bit more. So so I don't have to make any more assumptions about your group. I know you know what happens when you assume you said that someone's doing something for 300 days. Tell me about that.

Russ Jones:

Yeah, 300 days in a row. Stephanie is our greatest So shout out to Stephanie, if she's listening to this, she's like over 500 days. I have to keep making badges with

Brooke Schnittman:

ADHD. We know our energy levels are not 100% all the time, right? So to be consistent, it's not going to be 100% for 500 days. It's going to be persistent, right? So tell me what she was persistent with for over 500 days.

Russ Jones:

You're asking me to remember all 500 things she promised to do is the person?

Brooke Schnittman:

Oh, it's 500 things that she said she was going to do. Or is it the same thing for 500

Russ Jones:

No, no, no, no. So that's, that's a key in a key differentiator thing, it's every day you show up, right? You just show up and say, day one, what is the thing that you want to get done today? Some people put their whole frickin to do list. I can't believe it, but some, some people will say, Today I'm just showing up. Is my win today? Okay, cool. You haven't had a shitty day, or whatever it is. Today, I'm gonna sit in my hammock. But you're what I like about that is that you're showing up and you're saying that you're gonna do a thing, and then you're doing it. And there's that whatever the dopamine, whatever it is, you get a win out of it. And even more so than the win out of it is the failing, like, if you don't do the thing that you said you're going to do, the encouragement is talk about it. What? What happened? What got in the way? What could you do next time it's all those coaching questions, right? And then you get to do that in a community aspect. So then you get ideas. If you need help, you get other people going, Oh, that happened to you. Oh, I'm going to try that thing that you're going to. Try to get on the other end of it, and then you go from failing right and getting right back into it and starting up again to the what we normally do, which is we fail, and then we go lock up somewhere. We think the whole system doesn't work. We think we failed at life. We think we're I guess this doesn't

Brooke Schnittman:

work. That's where the rejection, sensitive dysphoria comes from, and then we burn out, we just shut down, and then we're underwhelmed, and then the whole cycle repeats itself

Russ Jones:

totally so how about instead of that, to just be like, I didn't fucking do my laundry today, and I said I was gonna do it today, I'm gonna do it so now you go from failing to instantly getting back on and trying again. That, to me, is hopeful and encouraging, and it makes us go from getting to where we want to get to sooner rather than later. Oh, I get passionate

Brooke Schnittman:

about that. Yeah, I see that. Thank you. Miss Vermont. So how many people are generally in these communities.

Russ Jones:

Oh, right now ours, we have, like, around 60, maybe a little

Brooke Schnittman:

bit more 60. Yeah, so how are people being accountable with their intentions? Are they writing it on, like, a shared document? How are they, yeah, showing up.

Russ Jones:

It's sort of so we do it on the circle platform. Circle.so so it, it's, there's multiple spaces that we have, so we have the daily accountability, which, it's a new thread every day, right? Today is Monday, July 28 and then everybody in the comment leaves, what day five? I'm going to do this? This, like today. I was like, I think I'm at day like 20, because I failed recently. I just forget sometimes. And okay, so day one, whatever it would be like today for me, it's a formal meditation ass on the cushion, not like a laying down guided meditation slash nap. I'm talking about, I'm gonna sit and meditate, and then in that as well. I'll put any challenges that I'm currently doing, because we do community challenges like you might show up and be like, guys, I want to, I want to not drink alcohol for 30 days. So I'm going to create a 30 day sobriety challenge, and that goes in your daily accountability. You'd be like, Okay. And then the link to the sober challenge, day two of 30. Here we go.

Brooke Schnittman:

So some people might join that, yeah, yeah. And then it's just,

Russ Jones:

you join whatever, and then you hit 30 days, get a badge. So is it all on the platform, or are you actually live streaming as well for these calls? Yeah, these aren't calls. This is a community. It's just on the platform, yeah. And then what the live stuff is, is I do twice a month. I'll do, like, a monthly zoom call. Where we do we talk about our goals. So we'll do this week. We'll do August. What do we get done in July? What do we want to get done in August? And then we do a mid month check in, because, like, hey, remember we made goals. Remember we were going to do stuff? Let's say, what are we going to do that for the next half? Yeah. And then they'll, we'll do, we have body doubling rooms that are open all the time, audio on, audio off and and then we have experts similar to yourself that will come in and be like, I'm going to teach you guys how to, you know, manage your time or whatever. And so there are events. And then I do office hours, just if you want to come and shoot the shit, if you have a coaching question you want, or whatever. I don't know,

Brooke Schnittman:

yeah, yeah. So it sounds like you provide a lot of value, but at the same time there, you know, the client has to show up for themselves. So it's not like you are, you know, hand holding them along the way. There is this community. So if you're seeing that these, the majority of these 60 members are actually writing in the forum on circle, you know that that just goes to show how helpful it is for them, because they're showing up for themselves. You're not making them do it.

Russ Jones:

No, and I do like that is one as a community facilitator, I guess is that's one of those things that you're constantly thinking about, is, I know our engagement is higher than most per the percentage, but it's still less than what you would want. You'd be like, 60 people are paying to be here. I want 60 people showing up. That's not the way it is. Some people show up just for the event replays, just for the resources, some people will lurk for a few months and then be like, I'm ready to start. So my role, I think my goal is I tried to make onboarding as easy as possible, just a bunch of easy videos, and then I do a free coaching call at the end, if they want it to be like, I can help you find the journey in the community, right? Where might you go with your particular struggles?

Brooke Schnittman:

Right, right, right. What would you say the biggest impact that you have seen from start to finish on someone like Stephanie or someone else?

Russ Jones:

Oh, man, you were. We have a space called skull spaghetti master speeches. So it I initially did this thing to be like, if you make it 100 days, you're a skull spaghetti master, and then we do like badges at seven days, you're like a Noodler, then you're a brain boiler. It's all pasta related. And then

Brooke Schnittman:

this, are you Italian? No, it's like pasta. School

Russ Jones:

spaghetti was my way of talking about the brain, because I hate,

Brooke Schnittman:

I don't. I'm like, great visual. I don't like

Russ Jones:

talking sciencey stuff. I'm like, it does, yeah, I can't hold it and touch it, yeah. So it's all school spaghetti to me, but those are the people that in their master speeches, it will talk about the transformation. I don't know that I can speak to something specific without going in and looking at it. I can put you on hold and do it that's okay, like something I know, something that Stephanie did recently, which was she had this lilac bush that she had to get rid of in her yard. And she was never going to do it, because it's such it's like a 20 hour project. She had to, she didn't have a big piece of equipment. She was going to have to dig out the whole thing. And so I remember, I'll be on in a body doubling session with her, and it's like audio on. And so I'm doing some decluttering or something, and she's bitching about, like, how what a pain in the ass it is to dig out the lilac bush. That's not something that would have happened in that she would say, there's probably something that wouldn't happen on her own, where she's like, What are you going to do today? I'm going to do the lilac bush. And so I created a challenge in the community as well, which was, like, a long term achiever. And I was like, Okay, if you want to do this challenge, then you're putting your day streak on the line for a long term goal. So what it was a way for us to, like, I keep my goals right here. They're right here. If you can see them, there they are. Because we'll we're all great at making goals. Be like, Yeah, this is what I'm gonna do. And then, literally, we forget, yeah, an hour later, like, okay, so every day, we have to put something on our daily accountability that moves our monthly goal forward. Yeah? And so, yeah, that was

Brooke Schnittman:

her lilac push right. It helps with object permanence, seeing the goal right. And then there's the accountability of speaking it out there to this community of 60 plus people with coaches, and then then there's the buy in and the purpose by showing up every day, I know like I asked you that question, because I've seen personally the impact of group coaching. When I was in a group being coached, I showed up for myself for the first time I knew my strengths, my weaknesses, I was able to execute things for a long period of time, and then from starting Thursday activation, like some of the feedback was, I feel less alone. I feel like there's hope. I love that, right? Yeah, and that all was part of the community base, right? So I, you know, I've seen personally, professionally, firsthand, what community can do for people who feel so alone and feel like that's a mask for so long, feel like they're less than and they're in this deficit model, rather than reframing things into a strength base and seeing that they actually are capable of greatness if they have purpose and accountability. And accountability, such a big word,

Russ Jones:

totally, and it's a big deal, yeah, and some of these things, like, I don't know that you see this out there too much. The community is great for the emotional support of it all like you know that, but I find that to be intrinsic. I find that to be you get a room of ADHD people together. They automatically give a shit about each other. They automatically care, and they get it. I'm like, But I'm I'm like, what? But And now, what? How are we going to do the laundry? Exactly?

Brooke Schnittman:

How are you going to gain momentum when you have tasks that are low motivation or no motivation, and you have no intrinsic motivation, right? You need extrinsic motivation. You need external accountability. You you need to and, and I'm sure you help them break things down into really small steps too, because you're not going to just do the laundry, the

Unknown:

laundry steps. I don't do it.

Brooke Schnittman:

They do it the laundry. No, I know, but it's not gonna just be the laundry. It's like, well, where's the first thing, right? Those questions that you asked, What's

Russ Jones:

up? Oh, yeah. Like, easy point of entry to the thing. Yeah,

Brooke Schnittman:

right. And then doing those small actions over time, 60 days, whatever it is then that builds that momentum, that builds the confidence, and that gives them, actually the motivation, even though they weren't intrinsically motivated to begin with.

Russ Jones:

Yeah, yeah. I find that that's like that stuff. It changes every day. You can have the motivation one day not have it the next day. And right? You know you're that's why I like the conversation.

Brooke Schnittman:

But the key is to just show up, right? Just to show up. Be persistent and vulnerable, be vulnerable, and do and share something, even if you're at 40% capacity, right, like you might not do the thing to 100% that you told the group that you're going to do, but you you're going to do something, and that something might just be showing up. And just showing up is taking action and being accountable to move the needle forward, to get to that stage of confidence.

Russ Jones:

I would say that, yeah, the in the in our particular daily accountability group, it's, it's, you kind of make the rules for yourself so you can, like, some people are like, they want their whole schedule on there, and some people don't. And some people, this is one thing that we learned as we went. Some people would be like, I'm gonna do this thing, and then they wouldn't, and you'd be like, day zero. Okay, what if, instead of you did that thing, you did a work session toward that thing. You go, I put 30 minutes towards that thing. And I remember one time I must have been in a depressive episode or something, but I could not make my GD bed, and I just wanted to be like, That's what I want to do. And one of the guys in the community, I was like, I'm going to set the timer for five minutes. I'm just going to work on cleaning my bedroom for five minutes. And I think it was Dave, one of our community members, was like, hey, set the time for two minutes. I've done that. And I was like, two minutes, okay, but I did just two minutes. I can make my bed in a minute and a half. Come to find

Unknown:

out, but it feels

Russ Jones:

like it's like an endless amount hell, type of an eternity. Yeah, when you're in a low mood,

Brooke Schnittman:

yeah, that's what I mean, though. Like, if you it as a group, whether it be setting the timer for two minutes or just saying, what's that first step? Or what can you do for yourself right now? Right? That is getting the ball going, and perhaps you continue, even if you have a low energy day totally your

Russ Jones:

phone. You know what I think about? Like, this was an analogy that I had way back in the early days, which was, it's like an inverted mountain. Most of the normies of the world, they'll they think of goals as like a climb up a mountain. You know, you had to work hard, adversity, blood, sweat, tears, oh, it hurts. That's how, you know, you earned it. Blah, blah, blah. And then you get to the top, and look how great I am. And I'm like, that doesn't work for an ADHD. Or we're like, oh god, that's so high. Oh my god, I'm gonna need to take a couple classes, and I'll get some ropes, I'll buy some harnesses, and we don't do anything. I'm like, but if you start at the top exactly, you start at the top and you just nudge yourself forward. The goal is at the bottom of the hill, and all you need is like a like a little nudge and you roll to your goal. You don't have to know where it's at, but you're just rolling toward it. I think that's such a it's such a more. It's like a magical visual to me, of how goals can be achieved through the an ADHD lens, and not like the way the Army's doing

Brooke Schnittman:

powerful I love totally. Someone can helicopter you up or lift you up to the top of that mountain. So you've already done that hard part. You're there now. Now you existed

Russ Jones:

square one. Yeah, it's just a metaphor. You started right? It's who, who is. It's a metaphor, no matter how you look at it. So just imagine that you begin your life journey at the top of a mountain and down below the cloud line, wherever it is. Then you hit trees, but you keep rolling, yeah, and you get

Brooke Schnittman:

there eventually, in in a noodly brain way, but you get

Unknown:

there correct, spaghetti

Brooke Schnittman:

spiral way, however you say, I love it, yeah. That's why it literally on my book, like the arrow that goes up is, like, squiggly, squiggly, lots of squiggly. There you go, squiggly spaghetti, yeah, so Russ. What would you leave? I always love to leave the audience with, like, one big takeaway. What is one thing that you want them to take away from today's call?

Russ Jones:

Oh, takeaway? Well, the big takeaway is community is everything. Join a community doesn't have to be mine. It needs to be a community that gets you just That's it. But ultimately, I think the biggest, and this might be coming from my double diagnosis, but be cool with yourself. There's, there's so much chatter about how to love yourself and things like that, and I struggle with that in the mirror. And so I'm like, I can say that all day long, and I would never believe it. I'd be like, You're so full of shit. You do not. But I can be cool with myself. I can treat myself like a roommate that has agreed to pay the rent, and I'm like, okay, he can stay but and we're gonna do this together. So even when I'm not cool with myself, I can be cool with the fact that I'm not cool with myself, it just makes things so much easier and. Think that's important,

Brooke Schnittman:

yeah. What I love about what you just said, too, is you're talking to yourself in third person, which is so helpful when you have those hard days. Okay, we're just going to take a couple of steps to the front door, okay, Russ, we're just going to put our shoes on, right, so it depersonalizes The situation and takes away the shame from yourself. Totally, yeah. That makes good sense. Yeah. And, and to your point about community. For anyone who learns that they have ADHD before, you know what you want to do, coaching, therapy, whatever, yes, find that community that gets you so you can understand how you operate and reduce the shame. I love that.

Russ Jones:

Yeah, that's awesome. And I would can't, oh, like, therapy and coaching are awesome. I think those are like, huge, huge, huge therapy, especially, especially right after a whole life of feeling like the self loathing and the like, what's going on,

Brooke Schnittman:

everyone with ADHD will need some restorative type of work on them, right? And for me, I received therapy my whole life. I had anxiety and dysthymia for unmanaged ADHD, bullying, all this stuff, but at the same time, like, I don't think I was ready to do the work and show up. So when I received coaching, that's where I felt, for the first time, like I can execute, and that's that was the missing piece for me. I felt like I was less than like I couldn't do, even though on the outside I looked good, like I didn't feel like I could do it on the inside. But then after I got that momentum, that confidence and motivation, then I did the therapy, because then I was ready to, like, dig deeper about myself, super interesting. So it's kind of opposite for me, like I wasn't ready to go back, I was only ready to go forward.

Russ Jones:

Man, that's a good I wonder if I would have had a better experience in therapy. I had great therapies, but this is pre most of it was pre diagnosis, so doing the work was maybe a little bit harder for me, and that would be rad to be like, to have some skills and to be able to execute on the homework and on the, oh, that's genius. That's great, but that's what,

Brooke Schnittman:

but that's what you're doing in your community. You are giving the platform for people to show up and do the thing right, and feel more than rather than less than, and then, you know, it's up to them on where they want to take it from there, but that's what you're providing in this community. Yeah,

Russ Jones:

I like that. The idea that doing things gives us data points of self worth, right? It helps us to our brain, right? I said I was going to do it, look brain. I did it, and it's like, you keep getting those data points, so the byproduct of that might be less self loathing, more self care, self loving, maybe. Yeah, hopefully.

Brooke Schnittman:

Well, Russ, thank you so much for coming on successful with ADHD. Where can people find you?

Russ Jones:

Thank you for having me. This is fun.

Unknown:

It's fun chatting it up with your brother. It's

Russ Jones:

ADHD, big brother.com, that's where everything exists. It's on all the podcast platforms. ADHD, Big Brother, I'm there, I'm around, I'm findable. Seek you out, seek Me, and you shall find me. You're like, I don't want

Brooke Schnittman:

to know where you are, and they will find you. All right. Well, we'll be chatting soon on, big brother, thank you again for being here today. You want to thanks for having me. It's fun. Thanks for listening to this episode of successful with ADHD. I hope it helps you on your journey, and if you need any additional support for you or a loved one with ADHD, feel free to reach out to us at coaching with brooke.com, and all social media platforms at coaching with Brooke, and remember it's Brooke with an E. Thanks again for listening. See you next time you.

Head Shot

Brooke Schnittman MA, PCC, BCC

Host