SuccessFULL With ADHD

Mindfulness & Adulting: Finding Peace in Your 20s with Livi Redden

• Brooke Schnittman MA, PCC, BCC • Season 1 • Episode 58

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In this episode of "Successful with ADHD," we talk through the transformative power of emotional development, mindfulness, and accountability with our special guest, Livi Redden. As an author, TEDx speaker, content creator, and podcaster, Livi guides teens and 20-somethings through the crucial and often tumultuous years of early adulthood. Whether you're navigating the ups and downs of relationships, career changes, or personal growth, Livi's insights on adulting and self-development are a beacon of light for anyone feeling lost or overwhelmed. Join us as we cover how to live a fulfilling, joyful life, despite the challenges of ADHD and the complexities of 'adulting.'

About Livi Redden
Livi Redden is an author, TEDx speaker, content creator, and podcaster that guides teens and twentysomethings on how to intentionally steer their life through the power of emotional development, mindfulness, and accountability so they can live the fulfilling, joyful life they deserve.
She is most known for her social media content surrounding these topics that has impacted millions across various platforms. She recently delivered a TEDx talk titled “What No One Tells You about Your Twenties” that is quickly approaching 300k views. In early 2022 she published her book ‘The Sooner You Know, The Better,’ a witty & vulnerable personal development book for emerging adults. Furthermore, on her podcast, Today is the Future, Livi has young listeners in 100+ countries tuning in for her conversations with inspiring young individuals, as well as world-class mentors to provide them with the inspiration and knowledge they need that they most likely aren't learning elsewhere. Attached are photos as well if needed.

Episode Highlights
[0:00] Personal development and decision-making in 20s and 30s.
[6:54] Mindfulness, self-awareness, and emotional learning for teenagers.
[11:36] Self-development, unlearning societal constructs, and finding peace.
[17:46] Self-help practices and communication skills for personal growth.
[25:12] Childhood trauma and its impact on mental health.
[28:10] Self-awareness, decision-making, and healing.
[35:00] Healing and self-acceptance with ADHD.

Livi Redden on Social Media
IG: @liviredden https://www.instagram.com/liviredden
TikTok: @liviredden  https://www.tiktok.com/@liviredden
Podcast: Today is the Future https://open.spotify.com/show/2CfNlvnTP84CnFxd2SSo3Y
Book: The Sooner You Know, the Better https://www.liviredden.com/book

Thank you for tuning into Successful with ADHD. If this episode resonated with you, don't forget to rate, follow, share, and review our podcast. Your support helps us reach more listeners and continue delivering content that empowers and inspires.

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Unknown:

More than anything is the piece that can be yes, the decision making and the accountability is fantastic. But the piece that can be harnessed at such an unsure time of life that is, so there's so much change in every area like family relationships, romantic partner relationships, moving finance, so much career bouncing. And if and the peace that can be found with mindfulness skills as well can make that time of life so much less painful and so much less scary. And at the very least, this stuff can work the very most honestly, can give you a sense of daily peace and what a beautiful thing we all want that wealth

Brooke Schnittman:

into successful with ADHD. I'm Brooke Shipman. Let's get started. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to successful with ADHD. Today, I have Livi read in. She's an author TEDx speaker, content creator, and podcaster that guides teens and 20 Somethings on how to intentionally steer their life through the power of emotional development, mindfulness and accountability. So they can live the fulfilling, joyful life they deserve. And you guys might be saying, how does this relate to ADHD? Well, I'll tell you that so many people in their 30s 40s 50s 60s, tell me, I've never learned how to adult adulting is so hard. All the executive functions that go into it, no one teaches you how to do it. So Livi is here today, because she's most known for social media content surrounding the topics of adulting and impacted millions across her various platforms. She recently delivered the TEDx talk titled What no one tells you about your 20s. And it quickly is approaching 300,000 views. And a year ago, she published her book, the sooner you know that better, which is a great developmental book for emerging adults. And I had the pleasure to be on her podcast today as a future, which has young listeners in 100. Plus countries tuning in for conversations with inspiring and young individuals and world class mentors to provide them with the inspiration and knowledge they need, that they most likely aren't learning elsewhere. So welcome, Libby,

Unknown:

thank you so much for having me. Hello.

Brooke Schnittman:

Thank you for being here. Thank you for being here. And I had the pleasure to be gifted lovies book. And I have to tell you, it's pretty amazing, because I didn't really start doing the self development piece until I was in my mid 30s. I mean, I went to school for general education, special education, all of that, but like, you know, I saw a therapist, and I thought that that was like self development. I had no idea. I also read like Chicken Soup for the Soul, but they don't teach you like you said in your 20s. How to Adult. So what gave you the inspiration to write this book?

Unknown:

Yeah, that's a good question. My dad was sick for most of my growing up, he had ALS. And that got me into personal development really young, because I had, you know, I was having conversations about death and grief, and family relationships starting at like 12. And what's your, you know, pretty foreign conversations for a 12 year old. And so I found, I found answers in that realm. Pretty early on. I also started meditating when I was 15, or 16, which also really helped me through that time. And I remember when I was around 18, I was listening to a podcast of of a podcast I listened to really often. And I had the realization where I noticed that no one like me was ever really talking to me in that realm. It was mostly like 4056 year old experts, and no one that was going through, like I'm going through such a different growing up than the person. I mean, just like generationally than the person that I might be listening to. And so I thought why, even though I'm young, and I might not have the experiences people have I know how to make a young person feel seen. I know, very similarly, what they're going through because I've grown up in a similar era. And so I thought, you know, why are we mainly pushing this content to 40 and 50 year old women, when really a lot of big decisions are happening in your 20s and like, where is the advocacy for learning? Also very tactical skills like very tactical communications. skills, emotional regulation skills, nervous system regulation skills like it's very, it's a toolkit, you know, it could be taught by anyone to anyone really liked. It's like learning the piano, a lot of it. Like learning how to play the piano like learning. It's all just a matter of practice. And it's funny.

Brooke Schnittman:

Yeah, funny. I learned the piano back in the day. And all I know now is like chopsticks and heart and soul.

Unknown:

Yeah, I have a piano. I have a piano back here, but I never touch it. It's like, you know, I used to play too.

Brooke Schnittman:

But you said, there's so many things that, like so many decisions that 20 Something year olds need to make. And in your book, you talk about 85% of life's most defining moments take place by the age of 35.

Unknown:

Mm hmm. Yeah. So that's a study by Meg Jay, she's a PhD clinical psychologist. And the thing I like to know about that statistic is that it's not necessarily the best moments, it's not talking about all your best moments happen before 35. But often times, very big decisions that have lifelong impacts are happening before 35. Whether that is choosing a life partner, whether that is having children, whether that is you're setting yourself up financially, that really matters in your 20s, early 30s career path going into debt that could potentially affect you for the rest of your life. There's a lot of decisions happening. And of course, that's generally speaking. But regardless, oftentimes, there's a lot of really lifelong, impactful decisions happening. And we're just supposed to, you know, like, figure it out what figure it out with what toolkit, like, we don't have any decision making skills. I

Brooke Schnittman:

can't even tell you how many 30 Something year olds, 40 year old 50 year olds I'm dealing with on the flip side, right? They've gone into debt, you know, are still trying to figure out their partnership. Of course, you can figure out ways to get out of it and build a better life for yourself at any age, right? You don't have to do your 20s. But if you could have that toolkit beforehand, to try to set yourself up for success and learn from people who've made mistakes before. I mean, how amazing would that be? They don't teach you that in college.

Unknown:

Yeah. And I think more than anything is the piece that can be yes, the decision making and the accountability is fantastic. But the piece that can be harnessed at such an unsure time of life, that is, so there's so much change in every area, like family relationships, romantic partner relationships, moving finance, so much career bouncing, and if and the peace that can be found with mindfulness skills, as well, can make that time of life so much less painful and so much less scary. And at the very least, this stuff can want the very most honestly, can give you a sense of daily peace. And what a beautiful thing. We all want that.

Brooke Schnittman:

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, I know that they are implementing mindfulness in school. Now, not in every school. But I know, when I left the school district and the school system, they were doing that as part of their social and emotional curriculum. But you know, I talk to people all the time. And imagine if we started our day with mindfulness in the school system, how that could help students who any student distracted or not how they could center them, before they go into being taught, feeling stressed out, having social issues and situations being told what to do by teachers or adults, you know, using a million executive functions, if they could just clear their brain and really activate as much as possible by mindfulness. How amazing would it be? Yeah,

Unknown:

it would be incredible. And I have, you know, I've served on some boards and stuff working to get SEL into more schools. Because there is although I focus on teenagers, it is incredible if you can, you know, deliver emotional skills early on, like Yeah, five, six.

Brooke Schnittman:

Yes. And for those of you who don't know what SEL stands for, it's social emotional learning. So we do academic learning, but now I know, at least in the New York state curriculum, they have to implement a social emotional curriculum as well.

Unknown:

Yeah, yeah. And it's a it can allow the child if you were to start a school day with mindfulness practices, not only does it allow the child to allow find themselves and take a you know, a body check a mental check. Also you're creating a lot of kids come, you know, come from homes that are chronically anxious, chronically angry. And for a kid to have 15 minutes of a safe space where they can feel seen, and provided the space to be to see themselves. And to, you know, regulate that nervous system like that, just like in a development sense has such an impact on a child. Because what I found with what I do, for a really long time, a lot of my content was geared towards giving information. And now it's really guilt geared towards helping kids feel seen heard and safe. Because at a very core level, that is what people need most. Mm

Brooke Schnittman:

hmm. Absolutely. Yeah, you can give people the tools and accountability. But at the same time, they also need to feel like they're not alone, right, and have that community of people out there like you who get them and are able to help them. So you had a major life event your dad passed, unfortunately from ALS. And that, definitely, I see how that could tail spin you into figuring out like self development and help at such a young age. But where did you go to learn all that? Yeah, you said we're dealing with like 40 and 50 year olds, but

Unknown:

how do you Yeah, yeah, it's uh, I mean, I think it was also because I also started reading chicken noodle soup books starting in like, third grade before any of that happened. I remember like me, me and my childhood best friend had like a fascination with a chicken noodle soup books. When we were in like, third fourth grade we would get together and we would read them. The chicken soup Lysol. Yeah. So I did have an early interest even before my dad got sick when I was 11. But as far as places to go, started going to therapy when I was like, 14, I was really upset about that, because I was like, I stopped, I'm fine. And I liked it. I talk therapy has never totally taken for me particularly. Well, there's certain times where it's helped more than others. But, you know, anyways, at our church had offered to get us into therapy for free. So there was that and then I loved podcasts. I listened to podcasts. Like every day, the good life project was a podcast I listened to a lot. I also really love to business. And naturally those podcasts also talk about personal development, because I started building businesses very early on, as well. As I read a lot of books, just because I needed like some sort of understanding the I think podcasts were really like the where I dipped my toe in first when I was like, 14.

Brooke Schnittman:

Wow. So you had the desire at a young age, which you really accelerated once the tragic occurrence happened in your life. Yeah,

Unknown:

I think the desire and like the survival, honestly, like there was so I also started getting really severe anxiety because of what was so my dad got a trach when I was in seventh grade. And so that kind of put our house in a chronic state, like, anyone, if you talk to any of my relatives, my friends, they're like, immediately when I would step into your house, I felt anxious immediately, just like that whole energy in our house was just like, keep somebody alive. We are in fight mode. And so it was also just like a survival like I need something to help me just like figure out what is happening. Yeah.

Brooke Schnittman:

Wow. Wow. So okay, you like really, besides the Chicken Soup for the Soul or chicken noodle soup, however you want to say? I and your book, I really don't know of others that are out there for 20 Something year olds to help them with self development.

Unknown:

Yeah, there aren't a lot, which is really interesting. And that was when I had the idea. Of course, I started doing market research first my business brain. And I was like, has this been done? Are there other young people in this space? And I found make Jays book the psychology I brought up earlier and there's the highly effective teens book, right by Stephen Covey. But both of those books were written like, yeah, were written like 2012. And I'm like, what, what are we doing? And so I was like, yeah, there was some like Christian based teen books, but I was like, There's nothing really there's nothing really else But I don't understand. And you would think everything would have been done and killed to death in the self help space. And I was like, that's so yeah, super interesting.

Brooke Schnittman:

Yeah, yeah. Well, visionary you are and business person, as you mentioned. So you break your book down into three different things. The first thing that you mentioned is thing, one, which is an ability to identify social contracts that negatively impact the general population. Can you go into that a little bit? What are those social constructs that people are negatively impacted by?

Unknown:

Yeah, so yeah, the first section of my book is all about unlearning. Because I do think you need to unpack the suitcase before you fill it up. Like

Brooke Schnittman:

can you just keep the same suitcase and add more to it? Right, just

Unknown:

the open the expander just stretch it. But uh, yeah, there's I talk particularly to a lot of constructs that affect young people. So the idea is that one, your 20s need to be the best time of your life. I have a lot of kids reach out to me, and they're like, I hate school. I'm not having fun, everyone, I just I feel like I should be and I'm not. And it's really, your teens and 20s are really really glamorized in movies in the media, when a lot of people are not having a good time, and they're really unwell. And so that's super confusing. I also talk about unpacking for a really long time, my dad was a very money driven individual. And that's what I saw growing up that that was kind of what I thought I should measure my life by I was also very, I was very competitive individual. So I was like, okay, so I measure the success of my life by money and achievements and status. And so that's another thing I talked about in that section where unlearning that XYZ will make you happy, and where you can turn your focus to gauge what a successful like life looks like. And in that chapter, I talk about living in alignment. And that was where I found peace, where instead of making my happiness based off XYZ success, making it based off of how much peace I feel, in any given moment. And if I could live my life, in each moment, feeling the most peace to my capacity, what a beautiful life, I would live. And so I talk about how aligning your actions and priorities with your deepest core values and priorities that is living in alignment. And that is what will bring you peace when your head hits the pillow. 100%,

Brooke Schnittman:

I agree with you completely. When I was in public education and administration, I thought, I'm just gonna go up the chain and work really hard. My parents were really hard workers. My mom was money driven as well. And that's what I associated success with working really, really hard, and not really focusing on anything else. And, you know, it's, I don't mean to bring it to me, but it relates to what you're saying, because it wasn't until I was 35, where I started doing self help. And then 36, where I met my husband, actually end of 35. But no 36. So life didn't really occur for me in the way that it is now, until I did this self development and learns the core values and strengths needs to align with my intentions and my goals. And in order to have all my cups full and fulfilled, I need to look at all the areas of my life. And we do that in our course through C activation, too, because so many adults in their 30s and 40s and 50s, even 60s are coming to us and being like, I am at my wit's end with my job. My boss is putting me on a performance plan. I want to know what I want to do when I grow up, my relationship is failing all of these things. And they don't discover who they are at the core until they go through those exercises. Yeah,

Unknown:

it's, it's, it's funny because we think you know, you're in your 20s and you think, you know, well, when I hit 30 or 40, I'll, I'll know who I am. I'll know what I want. When the lunch is Oh, no, yeah, you don't just know like there has to be you like there has to be some sort of way to unpack that because you're also again, there's a lot to unlearn so that you can get to the core of who you are. Exactly.

Brooke Schnittman:

You need a mentor you need the proper sort of friend guidance, whatever it is, to have the skills and to know the path. I mean, there's a Like, you have an amazing self help book, and it really gives you the outline. But then in the end, they need someone like you who can then guide them through that. Right? Yeah,

Unknown:

yeah. And I think that's some form of some form of coach or therapy is incredibly, incredibly helpful. But there's so many factors to that of, you know, resources and, and financially, but I think, starting with the free stuff can do so much because it did so much for me.

Brooke Schnittman:

Mm hmm. Yeah. So thing number two in your book is the exercises, practices develop understanding of ways to improve your state. So I know we just got into that a little bit, and the concepts that will allow you to have a healthy relationship with yourself and others. So what why don't you share some other exercises and practices that you go into in the book?

Unknown:

Yeah, yeah, I talk about different very, like tactical communication skills. For example, the idea that say you're in a conflict with a friend, it's not you to against each other, it's you to against the problem or issue and that that alone can save a lot of relationships, a lot of workplaces, simple things like that using the word and instead of but when you're disagreeing with somebody, like so I talk a lot about a very, a lot of very tough getting

Brooke Schnittman:

rid of always and never. Yep, not bringing up the past.

Unknown:

Yes, yes, I go into very tactical stuff there. I go into my own. Also, I my parents had a pretty rough marriage, and that actually probably affected me even more so than my dad being sick. You know, I'm not an expert. But I share what helped me I share very deeply, that's actually the longest chapter in the book is the one about relationships and love.

Brooke Schnittman:

Isn't relationships, everything. Yeah.

Unknown:

And I unpack my experience with that, because that was such a big piece of my journey and, and feeling unworthy and feeling undesired, like undesirable, and feeling untrusting. And so I packed unpacked out a lot and things that gave me peace in that area. You know, I talked about different forms of meditation, that meditation is not just clearing your mind. Somehow the masses got that information. And it's really unfortunate that it's this empty brain. Yeah, yeah. Um, so yeah, all very, you know, tactical, and also storytelling. It's very storytelling based practices that can help you be in a better state of being. And I say in the book, I'm, like, I this is information I've collected from my own experiences, and also research and researchers and psychologists. But, you know, take what you take what resonates and leave what doesn't?

Brooke Schnittman:

Wow, that's a really powerful statement that you were impacted more by the relationship that your parents had then by your dad being sick. Yeah. It was also I'm a parent. Right? I'm a parent. And there's a lot of parents listening to this podcast, and I guarantee you a lot will be listening to this episode, considering we're talking about how to help 20 Something year olds? Hmm, what is the number one piece of advice that you would give to parents who are having these communication struggles in front of their kids and having this relationship?

Unknown:

issue? Yeah. That's a really good question. The first thing that comes to mind, at least speaking from my own experience, and thinking about some of the kids that have reached out to me because, you know, divorce is such a common thing. And so a lot of young people, my age are high school students, college students think that well, it has like, it happens to so many people, it doesn't affect me, like, I should just be fine. I think one validating their experiences because whether like, even if you're just you know, if the marriage is struggling, you're not necessarily divorced, it's affecting them and they're picking up on the energy and I think sometimes I hear kids talk to me about how my parents were like, well, this is between me and the spouse, their parents are saying that to them like this is between no us and you you're not involved. And when they are very much involved, and this is very much affecting them. And so I think validating that is affecting them and their experience and also being aware of the information that you're telling them about what goes on because especially teenagers, because that was a big thing. That really did me 30 was learning. I my mom pretty much told me every single detail of everything that went on between them. No, she knows now that that was not the move. But you know, 1617 I'm essentially therapies, you my brain can't

Brooke Schnittman:

process that. No, it's amazing how that happens too often in a divorce relationship across

Unknown:

the board, there's a lot of kids that are essentially their parents therapist, or they're, like, the middleman and peacemaking in between their parents. And that's, that's not great. That's a big

Brooke Schnittman:

barrier to get over a lot of therapy and EMDR that, like, because that really goes into your adult life in your subconscious. You're playing the role of the parent to someone who's supposed to be a parent, right? And the parent is acting like a child, not subconsciously, but you're being their parents. Right, right. And that, that really takes a toll on you as an adult it did on me also, going into your thing, one, it's like unpacking all of that, like not even realizing that that is that like burden that you've worn on your chest and your sleeves for so long. I mean, you're 22. For those of you who are listening live, he is 22. And she has learned a whole lot of these things at such a young age, and is able to clearly express them in a way that's helping her and helping her listeners. And I think it's fantastic. And you even said, you know, there's so much more that you've learned since you've written this book, which was only a year and a half ago.

Unknown:

Yeah, yeah. And I would like to highlight something that you said, where that's actually something I talked about, in part one, unlearning, which is the idea that young people are young and dumb, and that is what they are. And that is what they should be. And there's a level of that, of course, there's development happening, we're going to do dumb stuff. But young people, and and young people are very, very, very capable, even children. They're so capable of developing emotional skills, developing mindfulness, having conversations just like this, like I don't, I don't see myself as any more capable than my audience. They're these really smart intellectual in touch young people, and even kids that are just getting started or having interest. There's just I mean, any parent, if you see, I feel like most parents are amazed by the development of their child and seeing the way that they learn. And, you know, I just, I think it's a shame that we've just sort of been like, well, they're dumb and stupid, and it's fine. When in reality, like, they, it's the labeling, it's like, yeah, they can, they can use this information they can, they can use this information. And they're more than capable to, you know, apply it into their daily life if they want to.

Brooke Schnittman:

Totally. Now the human brain develops all the way until you're 25. And also, if you have ADHD, or some other neurodevelopmental disorders, it could be through the age of 30. So your brain is developing still. Right? So there is a level of that, and there is a level of human experience. Now you've experienced a lot more than some people older than you have. Right? Yeah. But to label someone as young and dumb, that's silly, right? That's also like saying that someone who's older is old and senile. Yeah.

Unknown:

Yeah. Like they, you know, they can't, you know, do physical activities, or I mean, obviously, there's a level of that.

Brooke Schnittman:

I mean, my dad is 73 turnings. Yeah, it's turning 73 December 1, and he can still beat me in tennis, and he can still remember a shit ton more than I can. So which

Unknown:

I do I talk about that in my book, too. I bring up people in their 60s 70s 80s that are doing incredible things. And so I, I'm, I talk about that a lot that every area of your life can have incredible things. Because there's also a lot of dread about turning 30 in your 20s

Brooke Schnittman:

a, I'm turning 40 In a few months. Yeah, that's how I remember that. I remember. It's like, okay, yeah, it's a number. Yeah, it's a number. It's a number. Okay, so you talk about exercises, practices, develop understanding. And then the third part of your book is the guidance and knowledge on how to improve your experience moving forward, when it comes to decision making, goal setting and action taking. So you provide navigation chin there.

Unknown:

Yeah. So that's then I go into so unlearning and then being and then doing so I go into the doing, then that's more about time, decision making accountability in that area, I go more into decision making, for example, I talk a lot in there have different questions you can run with yourself to see if this is a decision you actually want to make. For example, a lot of times we ask ourselves what we should do and never almost never ask ourselves the question what we want to do. And so I talked about things like that, and asking ourselves the questions we never give ourselves, we rarely give ourselves the space to ask, I talk about different ways you can try out structuring your day. So you feel more productive, feel that you have used your time in a way that you would have liked. Yeah, a lot of different self awareness questions. And then tactical decision making and productivity as well. This is huge.

Brooke Schnittman:

And like I said, I'm teaching this to 3040 5060 year old seven year olds, right. So for someone who's reading your book was in their 20 Somethings, these tools can work for any age. Yeah, what I'm gathering really is you, as a young 20, something have that relatability, right, which is what you talk about in your social media relating. And they're going to have be more attracted to listening and reading it from someone who is their age rather than some 4050 year old that you got that information from or started learning your self development journey, when you were 1716. So I appreciate that you put it into a way where people can really relate and gravitate towards your wording. Thank

Unknown:

you, I appreciate it. And and that's, I really just wanted the book to be a safe space for someone to like dip their toes and if they wanted to, and just feel seen. And that's something I've been really grateful for in this journey, I seem to really resonate with a big audience of people. I have a lot of men that follow me, which is not always common for a woman in the self help space. I have a lot of queer people that follow me that resonate with the things that I talk about, you know, just people from a lot of different backgrounds that resonate with different pieces of who I am. And I, I feel really, I feel honored to have those audiences that can find a piece of themselves in my story. And that's been very exciting to that I've been welcomed with open arms by so many different communities.

Brooke Schnittman:

Well, you talk about decision making, we have 1000s of decision on a daily basis that we have to make. The one thing that's not a hard one is to follow Livi she has a huge following on tick tock, can you share that with our audience here? Yeah,

Unknown:

my tic tock, my Instagram is just live you read in li vi R DD E N. Okay.

Brooke Schnittman:

You mentioned like still in the beginning phases of your book is to choose to heal.

Unknown:

It is very much a choice. And I actually did a keynote on this. And it was the idea that Time doesn't heal all wounds. Healing is a very intentional choice. Leaving a victim mindset is a very intentional choice taking accountability for not necessarily what happened to you maybe, but where you go from here. It's it's a choice. And oftentimes, it's it really sucks because especially when you're when you're young, and I talked about this in the book as well, a lot of the traumatic things that have occurred to you, you had nothing to do with it particularly often when you're young. It was it was unfair, and it sucked and so to, you know, to feel like okay, so now I have to take accountability to heal from something that I didn't even I didn't ask for this. And that's that's really that's really difficult. But I think what a beautiful example of self love and self respect to take the reins when maybe they were taken from you and choose your own peace like what better empowering loving thing to do for yourself than choose to not let someone let you suffer chronically.

Brooke Schnittman:

Wow. I'm speechless. So if someone is choosing to heal how do they choose? What's the first step?

Unknown:

Yeah, it's a good question. You know, actually just grab this. I go through in the book I go, I saw I had mapped out, sort of, because we hear a lot about healing. It's not always totally defined for us, like, what is healing? How do I know if I've healed? How did I? How do I know that I am healing? And so I created then are you

Brooke Schnittman:

ever really healed? 100%? So,

Unknown:

no, I mean, you're a human being things will naturally, you know, you might think you've moved past it, and it comes back up from a new because a new situation presented. But I created this healing process. It looks kind of like a target. And it kind of lays out what the healing process is what it looks like. And so that very first step in the circle, the very inner circle, is awareness, and actually coming to terms with the fact and leaving that state of denial that something is affecting you. And myself, I there's been certain things where I was like, No, I don't have I don't have like any sort of PTSD from my dad being sick, or like me at 14 Like suctioning a trach. Or like saving somebody's life, multiple times.

Brooke Schnittman:

It sounds like I mean, I'm no therapist here. But it's not just PTSD. It sounds like complex, like compacted trauma. Yeah,

Unknown:

yeah. And so there were things where I was just like, put up fine. It's like, I'm, I'm functioning, it's fine. And it's funny, because it wasn't even. It wasn't even until recently where I was like, actually, I have a very intense, but like, trauma based emotional flip, where if I get too overwhelmed, I go completely apathetic. I am so numb to everyone everything myself, like, I don't get emotionally. I don't get emotional. I get Yeah, I dissociate. I'm, I'm just completely apathetic to everything. And I didn't even I didn't even connect those dots until about a year ago.

Brooke Schnittman:

Now. That's impressive that you know what that is. And

Unknown:

so there's things like that where it's, um, you know, you're constantly uncovering you're, you're constantly going to find stuff in that stage one awareness piece, that oh, this this, maybe this is negatively affecting me. Or maybe you can't even put your finger on what's negatively affecting you, but something is consistently disrupting your piece. And then that's probably something to get curious about.

Brooke Schnittman:

Totally, totally. Wow. This is really a powerful conversation and whatever point you're listening into today's podcast with Libby Ratan, there's so much to unpack, there's so much to take away. I highly recommend that you share this with your children as well. I know that I am going to I have a 10 and a 12 year old stepsons and I am definitely going to share this book with my 12 year olds, he's he has a very high emotional intelligence. And I think that there's so much that he can gather from sooner. Yeah, it's so helpful. And definitely going to share this with my clients as well. So Livi What's one thing I always like to leave people with one thing that you would recommend that the biggest thing that you would want people to take away from today's conversation?

Unknown:

Biggest thing like them to take away there's so many things I'm trying to figure out. I mean, the biggest thing that comes to mind that I think often we forget just as human beings, allowing yourself to not label certain aspects of the human experience is good or bad. And that goes to that goes into so many areas of life. I mean, we we label our emotions or emotions as good or bad when really they're all just human myself for a long time. I thought you know, I hadn't grown enough. If I found myself getting too angry about something or too sad about something these more uncomfortable emotions. When that's humaneness the way I deal with it. That's something I can I can work with, but like accepting yourself and all of your humaneness and all of your weirdness and all of your quirkiness, your cringe Enos accepting those uncomfortable emotions for what they are because they are okay. accepting your experiences as a piece of you trying to not reject certain areas of yourself. There's just I think accepting the really messed up beautiful tragedy that is humaneness can bring you a lot of peace because it's you know, it's always a little bit messy,

Brooke Schnittman:

huh? Yes, it is always a little bit messy. And I love the there's no emotion that's a good emotion or bad emotion. It's just emotion. And there's a whole Wheel of Emotions, and it doesn't say good or bad on it. Right? All right, live a Well, thank you so much for being on successful with ADHD today. Thank you. As I mentioned, I know this is going to touch a lot of students and parents who are doing their best and want to do even better. I will definitely in the show notes, leave your information so people can check out your book and find you and tick tock and Instagram and all the amazing places you're on. Beautiful.

Unknown:

Thank you so much. And also if anybody I do have a text community, if anybody is interested, it's US and Canada, if you're out of US and Canada have a broadcast channel and Instagram. And all that is is I just send out a little text reminder once or twice a week that reminds you to take a deep breath or, you know, give yourself a little credit. So if you want little reminders, put it in the show notes. Absolutely.

Brooke Schnittman:

Thanks for listening to this episode of successful with ADHD. I hope it helps you on your journey. And if you need any additional support for you or a loved one with ADHD, feel free to reach out to us at coaching with brooke.com and all social media platforms at coaching with Brooke and remember it's Brooke with Annie. Thanks again for listening. See you next time.

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